make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
