I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
we should paint friendship bongs
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