xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
