I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I can't put those talents on a resume
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
