i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
