Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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