youre lurking in front of me
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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