It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
