so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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