At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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