no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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