I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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