Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
