nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
