PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
