hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
