just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
