There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
