But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
