wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
