kristin has been a bad kristin
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize