If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
