My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
