I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
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She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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