I am puke
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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