So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
