Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
