I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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