I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
