she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
