i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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