At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
