So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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