talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
