He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
