I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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