Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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