tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
