woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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