even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
