you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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