hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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