if i can run in heels then i can drive
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
