I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I didn't notice because vodka
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
