We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
