I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
