I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
