I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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