you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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