Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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