when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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