My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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