I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
