Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
In America we eat man semen.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You may now shotgun with the bride
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize