If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
