Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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