i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
